Finding Sleep

Some nights it's very hard for me to find sleep.

It doesn't happen alot

but when it does,

MAN my brain is on overload!

WELL

Last night was one of those nights.

Ofcourse I think about things that are stressing me out

But, I also write blog posts in my head.

I do this ALOT

and they never get written.

So today I decided to write a small list of posts I wrote in my head

This way, I'll HAVE to write them!

At least before the end of the year.

Here Goes:

9/11

(this would be thanks to the movie Remember Me that I just watched)

My Super Awesome Amazing Friends

He's Not So Little Anymore

The Sleep N*zi

(Don't want to use that term loosely but that's what my friends call me)

The Tales of a Two Year Old Toddler

Soooooo That's 5 right there.

I know I can do it!

*UPDATED*

I went to see what the kids were into and Logan informed me he HAD to build this castle from Lego's. He'd laid awake thinking about it and designing it and it had to be built!

WOW we are so alike it's scary sometimes.

Age Ain't Nothin But A Number

And I truly believe that.

The BIG one has come and gone.

I don't feel a day over 25.

Probably never will.

Being thirty doesn't bother me in the least.

I kinda feel like I was made to be a 30 year old.

That being said,

I've never been one to make a big deal about my birthday plans.

I'm more like, "Here's what I'm doing."

"Can you come?"

"GREAT!"

"Can't make it?"

"Maybe next year."

I wanted this year to be different.

To be surrounded by my friends.

Don't get me wrong,

I had a fabulous family night.

But I really wanted my friends night

(this completely excludes my dear friend who's 9 months preggers &

Ann who I COMPLETELY forgot to add to my evite list!!! I'm so stinkin sorry)

It was stressing me out completely.

I just wanted someone to help me because I was lost.

Basically it ended with a friend coming to the rescue a week and a half before

And, with that short of notice on TOP of the flooding, only a handful of people could come.

Changing the date wasn't even an option.

I had already asked off for that weekend

and everyones calendars are filling up fast!

I am so thankful to those that did come.

Even after their worn out days of work and endless responsibilities.

It means more than you'll ever know.

I mean, 30 only happens

once right!?

Sometimes I feel like maybe I was expecting too much.

I guess everyone has grandiose ideas about such a BIG milestone.

I had a blast with those that came.

I mean, We DID have our own private concert

at a beautiful cabin inspired joint.

And hilarity ensued when games were played.

But I can't seem to help but feel down.

I may not come to everybody's everything

But I make sure I'm there when it really matters.

Even if it's hard on me for a day.

I can't say it was the best birthday ever.

I wish I could.

I wanted sooooo bad for it to be.

There's always next year right.

Can You Guess...

Her Age?

Well right here she's probably about 1.

Born on 5-6 at 6:05

This probably explains her weird obsession with numbers

but that's a completely separate post.

By this time she had been walking for about 5 months already

and had potty trained herself.

That's right, don't feel bad.

She's just that smart!

Seriously.

She's lived in the same town her whole life

and wouldn't change a thing.

Family is tops in her book!

Her town went from a small & sleepy to one of the fastest growing in the nation.

Probably thanks to this little gal right here.

*i kid i kid*

Rarely got in trouble until she drew a hopscotch board on the harwood

just like on Sesame Street.

Or squeezed an entire tube of toothpaste in the sink

just like Ramona Quimby.

Organized a BabySitters Club

but never got business.

Spent summers at Center Hill lake with her Mema for weeks at a time

Kingsport for the Hot Air Balloon races

Myrtle Beach or Clearwater for vaca

And once a year to ATL to visit family friends

I'm told, as a child, she never met a stranger

and was constantly smiling.

Had here Voltron collection next to her massive Barbie collection

(that her daughter will one day inherit and she better be hapy about it).

Joined the Swim Team in HS

But would have rather joined Track.

She loves, loves, loves music and wishes she could draw.

Playing piano helps her relax.

Regrets not joining the School Newspaper or Photography Club.

Had a few semi-serious boyfriends but none compared to Him.

She got a little lost somewhere around here

but found her way.

Remember, she is

Just That Smart

Graduated college with a degree in PR.

And had some of the best times of her life!

(none of which will compare to what's ahead)

Is now on her way to growing her very own

Photography Business.

She married her highschool sweetheart

And has the closest of friends all from right here in the Middle TN area.

That and Two of the Most Beautiful Children EVER

Complete Her Life

That's right.

It's Me

And Now I am 30.

*ps i totally backdated this post*

Me & My Boobs

There. I said it.

Boobs.

We go everywhere together.

Like 2 Peas in a Pod.

I've become quite found of them and them of me. It's part of what makes me a girl.

What if, one day, they were gone!?

Replaced by fake chicken cutlet thingys!

Smooshy, little, gel-like thingys.

Oh the Horror!

Even worse, what if Just One was gone!?

Then there'd be the one real and the one fake.

Always one feeling inferior to the other.

How strange would THAT be!

It's a reality I'd rather not face but, one I'm destined to deal with.

The fact is, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at around 36!

HOLY COW!!!

That's just a few short years from now!

Logan would be 14 *gasp* & Brynn would be 8!

And Josh 39. Just on the cusp of 40.

So many years ahead of them that they'll need me for.

They may not admit it but they'll need me.

I'll have words of wisdom and inspiration for them and I'll always be their biggest fan!

There through the good and the bad and I Want It All!

Every Stinkin' Minute Of It!

So I'm taking steps.

Precautionary measures to find tell-tale sings that might signal a problem.

When I first mentioned something to my GYNO about wanting to get started with mammograms she sent me to a Dr. Woman.

Upon first meeting she was shocked at my age. Said they'd never had someone as young as me come in. Then she used the word HIGH-RISK over & over again.

I kinda wore the title like a badge of honor while in her care. We questioned whether or not insurance would cover certain things and she'd say,

"Well I really think it's important and I'll appeal it if they don't. I'll write off your office visits if you're not covered cause I wanna follow you."

In some weird way, that kinda made me feel special.

Her first recommendation was BRCA (sounded out like Braca).

A genteic test that shows if I carry a gene for Breat Cancer.

But would I really want to know this? Yeah, I think so. If it came back positive I can take steps to reduce my chances of getting it by 50%.

So yeah, I think I'd rather know and be able to care for it early than turn a blind eye.

If insurance does NOT cover BRCA I am still scheduled for yearly mammograms with every other year doing the Breast Ultrasound.

Dr. Woman feels that having both of these gives you the best overall image of the area.

At the age of 28 I had my first mammogram.

At the age of 29, my first Breat Ultrasound.

Wish Me Luck On My Journey.

My Secret Garden Take 2

As we begin our morning walk at MY Secret Garden I immediately spot them...

The Chicken/Turkey Ducks.

Ohhhh aren't they U-G-L-Y!!

Then this strange little guy crosses our path:

Continuing on and we see a train begin it's journey.

He even lays on the whistle for us!

I try my hand at catching some Sun Flare.

Look up Little One! It's FALL!

Just as we come over the hill.... Look at those colors!

On our way back we find Grandfather Tree.

Twisting limbs and all.

Magnificient right?

TWENTY-THREE Canadian Geese!!!

Onto Dancing beneath the Pavilion

A duck & a mallard walk into a bar...

We pause for a break

if you don't know what this is I'm not telling

A perfectly framed picture.

Annnnnnd

We're out

A Hidden Treasure

Lately, after Big Brother is dropped off at school, B and I have been venturing around town. You know, finding the beauty around us and all. Well I'd passed this far off fountain thing that looked to be in the middle of a pond, from what I could tell, a few times now. There was also a newly constructed building nearby. I could never figure out how to get to it and what it actually was.

Well yesterday on our way home I found what could be the entrance. We made our way there this morn and as I got closer to the area I could feel the excitement creeping in. Like a hidden little treasure in the middle of town. My own Secret Garden per se. There was bustle all around the area, but the walkway itself was completely isolated. I wasn't sure if it was actually open or not yet but I saw no Do Not Enter signs sooo fair game right!?

I got B out and loaded the stroller. Rounded the first corner and saw The Beauty All Around Us! Beautiful walkways, lined with lamp posts, a huge pond with a sprinkling fountain, bridges and trees and hills galore!! It was a photographers dream and I forgot my stinkin memory card. We walk the length of it and back. Saw a crane in the middle of a huge field. I wanted to startle him with our presence so he'd spread his massive wings and B could ohhhh and ahhhh at his grace. He wasn't budging no matter how much I rustled the grass. However, on our walk back, the pond was FULL of ducks...mallards, solid white ones and ugle chicken/turkey looking ducks. Twenty or so beautiful ducks for B's viewing pleasure.

The path is on a hill and is a little far from the actual pond. I knew B would be thrilled to see the ducks just a little closer. I take her out and walk about 5 steps towards the pond. We silently watch the 20 ducks float towards the other side with the ugly chicken/turkey ducks smack in the middle of the line. They spot me. They emerge from the water and are coming straight towards us. "Ohhh look at the pretty ducks B," I say. Ohhh they're coming faster. I stumble backwards. This doesn't look good. Either they're gonna Wing Attack us or they want food, which I don't have.

By this time, all the other 17 ducks have noticed they're (apparent) leaders have retreated from the pond and are quickly following suit. Twenty ducks. Coming towards us. Eithere hungry or lookin for a fight. No one is around. No one will hear me scream! I manage to scramble to the top of the hill. Don't bother putting B back in her seat and scurry away as fast (but calmly as not to startle them) as I can! As I'm scurring I turn back to see if any are hot on our tail. They have slowed and a few are furiously flapping as if to say, "GetOwwnOuttaHeea!"

Ohhh I will! For now. But we'll be back ducks.

You can BetYerBottomDolla on that! This is My Secret Garden!

We'll Be Back.

What Makes A Happy Heart

In my case? Organization!

I began my fall wardrobe makeover a few weeks ago. You know, out with the summer in with the fall. Then. I got sick. BLAH! Body aches off and on all day and when I'd feel a tad better and get up to get things done my energy would be zapped. Like, "If I don't lay down right now I'm gonna pass out." The body aches and energy drain were my only symptoms for a week and a half. Until last weekend when it turned into more of a sinus infection feeling. So yeah, this kept me from my happy heart. But now, I can so with Pure Joy, it is complete! It may not last long but it sure will be nice while it lasts. If I'm feeling stressed or down or just plain BLAH I go take a peek at my beautifully organized closet and all is well again. Yeah, I may be a tad OCD.

Doesn't that make you happy!?